Imprisoned in my Baltimore Home

Earlier this evening, shortly after the curfew took effect, I stood at the back gate of my home in Baltimore City.  If I opened the gate and took a step onto the street, I would be breaking the law.  I felt a great need to express my sadness over what has become of my adopted home.  Here it is:

Freedom Bound in Darkness

The lads with no dads are always so mad

Hurting my town and breaking it down

Feeling a debt, taking what can be had

.

Prisoners of the night are those who want right

Their freedoms submerged until they all drown

Because the lads with no dads are always so mad

.

To them nothing is easy, it’s always a fight

Even joy is fleeting, it ends in a frown

Feeling a debt, taking what can be had

.

While they seem to run free, we’re bound until light

Some drown in blood, others break the crown

The lads with no dads are always so mad

.

When greed replaces need, the stores ignite

The charm has gone, with smoke it has flown

As they feel a debt and take what can be had

.

Teeming in numbers, faking true might

Losing their future, having infamy, not renown

The lads with no dads are always so mad

Feeling a debt, taking what can be had

My First Teaching Job

I just secured my first online teaching job. I’m partnering with TutorUniverse (http:/www.tutoruniverse.com) to provide tutoring at primary, secondary, college, and adult education levels. The areas I’m providing service in are a broad spectrum of disciplines to include information technology, writing, academic paper preparation, Bible, and Theology. TutorUniverse’s interactive virtual classroom is state of the art. The fee is hourly and the prices are very reasonable. Once you sign up, you can specify me by searching for my full name.

tutoruniverse2

These are the specific areas I am working in:

Academic Writing, Agile Methodology, APA formatting, Bible, Blogging, Business Analysis, Computer Applications – Microsoft Access, Computer Applications – Microsoft Excel, Computer Applications – Microsoft Word, Database, English Composition and Academic Writing Skills, Information Systems, Introduction To Computer Science, Proofreading, Rational Quality Manager, Rational Requirements Composer, SDLC, Software Quality Assurance, Systems Analysis, Theology, Visual Basic for Applications

This approach to teaching is in concert with my post-grad research in Competency-Based Training.  Instead of conducting time-boxed classes where the goal is to finish and get a grade, I’ll be working one-on-one with distance learners that desire to develop competency in areas where they are lacking.  We will be done when they have developed the competency needed to do their jobs or succeed in school.  I am looking forward to working with a broad spectrum of students including home-schoolers.

The Joebberwacky

The Joebberwacky

‘Twas thrillig, and the slimy joves
 Did grint and gibble on the stage;
 All dumbsy were the politcoves,
 And the dume bydns outrabe.

“Beware the Joebberwack, my son!
The lips that sneer, the teeth that flash!
 Beware the Barrybarry bird, and shun
 The debious Wassersnatch!”

He shone his shiny pate by hand:
 Long time the moxiny joe he sought—
So rested he by the Dumdum tree,
And stood awhile without a thought.

And as in matthyooish thought he stood,
 The Joebberwack, with eyes of blame,
 Came overcombing through the oogley wood,
 And sneerkled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
 The lolling tongue went blabber-back!
He left it dead, and with his empty head
 He went amphtraking back.

“And hast thou slain the Joebberwack?
 Come to my arms, my gopish boy!
 O barriless day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas thrillig, and the slimy joves
 Did grint and gibble on the stage;
 All dumbsy were the politcoves,
 And the dume bydns outrabe.

A kosher Elvis sandwich

Elvis Presley was known for many things including a peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwich. I just made a kosher version of it. Take two slices of challah, a healthy schmear of peanut butter, three strips of bacon, cut off the tip of the banana, and feel guilty for eating it.

A tale of Sukkos past

 

If you are a Jew, you can skip to the second paragraph.  For the goyim (gentiles) reading this, Sukkos (or Sukkot) is a Jewish Holy Festival where we build and then take our meals in a temporary sukka (or booth) in obedience to the command of G-d in Leviticus 23.  We do this to remember how our ancestors lived in temporary booths in the years following the Egyptian captivity.  You’ll find it mentioned in the Christian scriptures in John 7 as the “Feast of Tabernacles.”  On 15 Tishrei (late September/early October) we start the seven-day festival.  With your introduction to Judaism freshly learned, you may be able to appreciate the brief tale that follows.

I have a funny, if not somewhat sad tale of my first Sukkos away from home. I was a freshman at Rutgers University. I went to the Newark campus which was for commuters only.  Newark, NJ, like many big cities, is mostly paved. A few Jewish students and I tried to erect a sukka in the Rutgers quadrangle without the benefit of soil to stake it in or trees to tie it to. As fate would have it, Sukkos started on a very windy day so our sukka did not survive. I have to wonder if G-d looked down and said, “what schmucks, they don’t even plan to build a proper sukka,” or if He said, “such faith and commitment these kids have, believing that an untethered sukka could stand on a windy day.”

I am looking forward to finding out which of these He said.

What they didn’t teach you in Hebrew School

If you are Jewish, you’ll understand this post.  I don’t know who the author is but my nice Jewish mother sent it to me.

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there’s smoke, there may be salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A shmata is a dress that your husband’s ex is wearing.

6. You need ten men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

8. After the destruction of the Second temple , God created Nordstrom’s.

9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

11. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

13. Spring ahead; fall back – winters in Boca.

14. WASPs leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.

15. Always whisper the names of diseases.

16. If it tastes good, it’s probably not kosher.

17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended

18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

19. If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

20. Laugh now, but one day you’ll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida .